How can your Ego help You? by Pixie Hamilton

I have always thought of the Ego in a somewhat negative light. I saw it separate and as the part of me that “steals” from my Divinity and my “truth.” I have been taught in church (including the New Thought church I currently attend) that my Ego is bad – that it Edges God Out, so to speak. Over the past 15 years I have looked at my Ego through “black and white” eyes; my Ego was the “Fear” in my life, whereas my Divine Source was the “Love.” My Ego was “evil,” and the Divine Source in me was “good.”

My latest breakthrough, or “AHA” moment, was that I have been giving Ego a really bad rap. I need my Ego. I especially need my Ego as defined by Webster and other dictionaries: “Ego is the mediator in the material world around me; it is that part of me that is thinking, feeling, and willing; it is that part of me that experiences and reacts to the outside world and mediates the demands of the social and physical environment; it is that part of me that controls my thoughts and behavior; that part of me that facilitates me with the external world and reality.”

What if my Ego was also my mediator between me and my Divinity?

What if my Ego wasn’t all bad? What if my Ego was my friend and my ally?

For 15 years, I essentially (and unknowingly) gave it up for Divinity. Sounds strange, but I gave up my Ego to save my soul.

So, at 57 years old I began to ask what does my Ego look like? What does its voice sound like? Is it manic? Sinister? Kind? Smart? What would it (essentially me?) look like if it were illuminated?

I threw my “black and white” glasses down and began to look at myself with clearer eyes, new clarity and awareness. I stared and stared at the mirror. Literally. I looked hard and wondered who it was. Blankly the image stared back. I stared harder, and longer, and more longingly to embrace a new view of this person. It wasn’t long that I realized a lot about my Ego. Sure, it can be negative. I see why it gets a bad rap. The Ego gives me the urge to inflate, to assert, dominate, interrupt, compare, manipulate, insult, lack curiosity…I could go on. But, after observing “me” with this new clarity, I see that my Ego—my thoughts, my mediation of the world around me—is also very kind, caring, energetic, playful, smart, inquisitive, listening, persistent, hard-working…and, yes, I could go on.

Why would I give that up? Why not embrace and own that part of me and my personality and my behavior? Why not simply become more aware of when my Ego runs amok and those times that my Ego behaves out of alignment with my Source? Why not just sit with a feeling of simplicity and the grace of being myself in those times? Why not watch and “simply be?” I can choose that deliberately– after all, the Ego is my thoughts and mind. If I want to, I can refuse, for example, to make that phone call and gossip. Or refuse to denigrate myself. I can just let it go. My Ego is my vehicle to choose, thoughtfully and deliberately.

I now realize that avoiding my Ego; hating my Ego; pushing back my Ego; creating that separation over these last years has not allowed me to fully accept “me.” In fact, I am now convinced that it is only up to the last few weeks that I truly accepted and embraced the full ME!

I look again in the mirror, fully without hesitation or questioning. I see the Divine and the Ego. I see the good they can do together. I haven’t fully learned how to tap into “me” yet – my full Ego – but I am now willing to accept and own who I am. I acknowledge the potential raw power. I know that I am unique. I know that I am exceptional. I know that both my Ego and my Divinity are necessary for my wholeness. I need my Ego—my personality, self-image, my projection, my thoughts, my behavior, and my gifts—to express my Divinity, the highest expression of who I am.

Getting to know the Divine and all its universal power, love, abundance, and grace over the last 15 years has saved me. But now I step further into enlightenment. I realize I was only halfway there.

Today and every day forward, I now fully accept my Ego (me) as my critical tool to shine. It is there for realizing that everything that happens is for the expression of the Divine coming through me. What a wonderful thought to think that my Divine Source is using my Ego to serve its (my) glorification. How wonderful to think that when my Ego is in alignment, it is my trusted ally with which I can move forward in this material world – completely, fully, and with Divine love and grace.

Confusion as a Useful Path

In the early years of my healing path I enjoyed time with a proficient teacher who shared sage advice from his teacher. In its essence the message is – “Oh confusion – now you are getting somewhere!”

To a person who is feeling confusion, this line can be experienced as a koan. A koan is a brief thought which one poses to the mind that seems not to make any sense. But if the line is held in the forefront of one’s mind long enough, it becomes a guiding truth, and a deeper understanding is reached.

I invite anyone who is feeling confused to work with this line. “Oh confusion – now I am getting somewhere.” Because when we are certain about life, rigidly holding onto a particular perception of the world, of a relationship, of self, or any other perception, we are headed for a fall. Rigidity equates to death. Certainty that excludes any other possibilities is rigidity. Rigidity feels uncomfortable. Being around people who are rigid in thought (any thoughts) is uncomfortable, especially when we are attuned energetically. Most of us are attuned energetically, but there is a disconnect between energetics and consciousness, thus we feel confused, often dismissing the feelings because we are unable to make sense of the experience.

When I am working with clients and they share a sense of confusion about where they are on their healing path, I exclaim – Great! This outburst is often met with resistance or more confusion. As I explain that confusion is a useful path, that it is a sign of deeper wondering and a search for a new understanding and truth, there is relief.

How do you work with confusion – how do you make good use of the experience? Here are some ideas –

* Relax into confusion by practicing getting comfortable with the experience. (Oh this is confusion – hmmm…)

* Ask yourself lots of questions.

* Become aware of all that you are feeling.

* Watch thoughts as they arise.

* Notice ways you might be attempting to find a rigid answer for the confusion, but resist attaching to one.

* If you are feeling deeply troubled by your confusion, work with a life coach or therapist for a time to help sort through the experience and explore your inner life at a ripe time.

* Let the confusion help you release old out-dated beliefs, fears and old hurts and angers.

* Stay in the state for a time and welcome the opportunity to “not know”. In the not-knowing, you join the ranks of seekers, who throughout history have been looking for the deeper truths of life that stand the test of time.

Confusion is an extremely useful path to enlightenment and awakening. It simple takes courage to allow it to open you.

Changing Addictive Habits

Changing addictive habits can be tricky business requiring masterful skills! Compassion and kindness are two powerful tools for learning about, understanding and removing addictive patterns. These tools reside bravely within our being, activated by our hearts – not our minds. Our mind can become a servant to our heart, sending kind and compassionate messages about what we are struggling with, what we are challenged by and to counteract the self-limiting patterns that harm us.

Our consciousness is the critical bridge within our being that can link healthy mental patterns with the compassionate loving energy that heals addictive patterns. An effective counselor/therapist/coach demonstrates this kind of link. We all have this link within our being. We may not know how to access and use this energy, or how to develop new patterns that ameliorate the need for addictive behaviors. But we can learn.

Driving forces behind addictive behaviors come with these kinds of faces –

* My emotional content feels out of control.

* My mental content feels out of control.

* The world around me upsets me and I don’t know how to process this disturbance well.

* I don’t feel able to manage my life well.

* My internal messages disturb me.

* I don’t trust my inner experience.

* I don’t trust life.

These are all habits that you can change!

How do we work effectively with these faces/forces that stimulate the need to numb from life? We practice new habits.

* My emotional content feels out of control. Develop tolerance for emotions and feelings by consciously observing them, distinguishing and identifying the varieties of feelings and emotions you experience. Knowledge is power in this instance. Learn to anchor into your physical body and use the tool of breath to navigate inner waters.

* My mental content feels out of control. Learn to become the observer of your thoughts. Mental energy has a special energy that changes as you become more detached from the experience. You are not your thoughts, your thoughts are patterns that have developed from your responses to life.

* The world around me upsets me and I don’t know how to process this well. Everyone needs a support system that challenges them to grow into leading life well. Early traumatic experiences often define us until we redefine ourselves consciously, through deeper self-understanding. The world is less upsetting when we feel strong and competent inside. Working from the inside out brings success.

* I don’t feel able to manage my life well. Becoming proficient at life is a matter of developing healthy and strong life skills. These come through learning and then practice. The information and understandings are available. Seeking and finding the guidance that will help you personally becomes your mission.

* My internal messages disturb me. Early traumatic experiences often program our inner responses to those of helplessness, distress and anxiety. During the process of healing the past, developing new, healthy and powerful responses to the present, becomes possible with time and support.

* I don’t trust my inner experience. We trust our inner experiences as we come to know and accept ourselves at a deep level.

* I don’t trust life. Having significant early experiences that harmed us, or led us to believe that others are not trustworthy impacts us profoundly. You will trust life when you rediscover that you are worthy of kindness and love, seeking connections that can provide this to you as well as you focusing these qualities on You.

Addictive habits in our culture run rampant! Shopping, chronic sports and television watching, food and substance use for numbing consciousness, and computer surfing/using are all examples of how we turn away from our consciousness, our feelings and our ability to master our lives through receiving and contributing in the ways that are truly fulfilling.

The path of life mastery comes through finding the strength and gifts that your heart holds in waiting for you. Through discipline and willingness, two more effective tools, you will change your addictive habits. Coupled with kindness and compassion – suddenly you are a powerhouse, leading your life to new places!

Finding Comfort in Confusion – Laurel’s Monday Message 10-29-12

When we are confused, we often feel overwhelmed, believing we are supposed to know the “answers”. Not knowing the answers to problems or challenges can simply become an adventurous quest for deeper understanding and inner knowledge. Today’s message encourages you to reorient your connection to confusion by consciously bringing a sense of openness to the experience of confusion, with expansive energy, rather than resistance and constriction. By fully allowing and embracing our current experience, we change the energy within us and around us, creating an environment of flow and curiosity. With this powerful shift we open to new possibilities. Today, let your confusion become your friend and guide into new learnings.

Your Discomfort Becomes Your Wisdom – Laurel’s Monday Message 10-22-12

On the other side of your discomfort is the wisdom of the how, why and what you have learned through the challenges of life! Moving through your discomfort inside, learning the way your body and being communicates with you, finds you empowered with your innate wisdom. You too can find your greatest strengths when you are willing to courageously face the discomfort inside and find peace with your tailor-made messages. May today’s message encourage you to find the support you need to move towards your discomfort, where the healing can happen.